Once a student came into my office absolutely inconsolable. His mother attempted to say goodbye to him, but he wouldn't let her go until she promised to get rid of the car that she drove that day.
"Just throw it away," he cried. "Just throw it away."
His mother explained to me that the car she normally drove was in the shop and she was forced to drive a beat-up rental.
The mother left and for the next three hours I had a completely defeated 12-year-old on my hands. Diagnosed with Autism, the little boy was normally cheery and playful when I needed him to focus. Now, he slumped over in his seat and completed all his assignments obediently, but without any vitality. A blessing in disguise? No. When you win the World Series you want the other team to at least show up. This was a hollow victory in the name of production and the cost was this little boy's personality.
His mother returned in the rental car and he resumed his complaints and continued in his funk for the next few days.
When the normal car returned, so did the little boy's smile. He hugged his mother goodbye and recited his special farewell for her, the one he did every time he said goodbye, but that he had not uttered during the duration of the rental.
"Bye bye, mom. Bye bye purple car."
I had missed it, thought it was as plain as the nose on my face. Not only had this little boy's routine been disrupted by the change in cars, so had the way to properly say goodbye to his mother. No wonder, he was so upset.
Two lessons. 1) Pay attention to details. What seems little to you may have great significance to someone else. 2 Routine is important to people. You can teach flexibility, you can teach flexibly (sometimes I teach an entire lesson in Lotus position) but there needs to be some reliable structure.
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